THE LONG HOLIDAY WEEKEND

Unscheduled, unstructured time can be brutal for the isolated individual. Some products of this isolation are:

• Overeating
• drinking
• drugs
• ruminating

So get up! Brush your teeth, wash your face, get out, call someone to chat. Move. Do. Something is better than nothing.

Relationships with people have different levels; think of 3 circles- a center-small circle- that's where our intimate friends are- we're lucky if we have 3 or 4; these are the people with whom we are truly ourselves-- warts and all.. Then there is the intermediate circle- our utilitarian friendships- we do things with these people- work out at the gym, work at the office, attend classes with us,  members of clubs we belong to.
Then there's the outside circle- these are people we may never have had a conversation with- we may greet and acknowledge, and that's it. The postal clerk, the grocery clerk, the person we pass while walking,  the bartender, the receptionist; we may greet- do business and leave.

On these long brutal weekends- even that outside circle can get you out of ruminating in your own head. Dialogue with yourself can go on and on- you're gnawing on your own internal processes. Coming out of that is not unlike coming out of a hermit-hole; it's hard to get out. It's hard to get back to interacting - BUT- it will pull you out of that fog.

So- take a shower- go buy something- greet the salesperson- their name tag will be their name- no one will put on a name that's not theirs.  Say, "Hi, Mary" - how are you?" Expand it if you want to- ask something topical: "What did you do for fun this long weekend?" Smile- it's good practice to look disarming.

And PRAISE YOURSELF. FOR THE ATTEMPT- FOR GETTING THERE-
FOR TRYING TO MAKE EYE CONTACT- FOR YOUR 3 WORDS. HONOR THE ATTEMPT.
Next time I'll go into the mathematical error we make:  I stood there and didn't say anything- I'm an idiot- I'm weak- I'm so stupid. I'm just no good- I never will be. Next-HOW TO HIRE A GOOD COACH- YOURSELF.

Avoidance- The Result of Social Anxiety; why is it getting worse?

Social anxiety has a gradient: that is, the closer you get to the dreaded event, the higher the anxiety. For instance, someone says, "Hey! Come to this party we're having in 3 months."

You say, "Okay." As the time grows closer your anxiety increases, and you may land up not going at all. We move into avoidance - whether it be going to that party, going to the gym, expressing an opinion at a meeting, inviting someone to get-together. That's what all the techniques are about: to reduce the punishment enough that you'll give that dreaded event a try. But if you don't know the techniques to decrease the anxiety and just plunge in, you'll accidentally reinforce the punishment. That's how it can get worse.

The adage "practice makes perfect" only works if you are diminishing the punishment, otherwise you're reinforcing the anxiety. One client said, "I'm getting worse as I get older - not better. I thought this would go away with age."

That only happens if you reinforce the attempt and apply all the methodology to take out the punishment of the event. 

WHERE DO I BEGIN?

It is never too late to begin!  
Whether you're 14 or 90, you can relearn healthier ways of living, communicating, thinking and reducing nervousness. You can learn to think, "I have faith in myself.  There are good people out there. No one has the microscope fixed on me and my actions- in the vastness of the universe- how important is this anyway?".  Your physiology will change (the anxiety and adrenaline pumping) as you put  into practice your re-learned body language, conversation skills, assertive skills and aggressing skills.  
When I use assertive and aggressing terminology,  I am referring to your territorial skills- how to defend yourself (asserting) and how to initiate or advance into new territories (aggressing).  In the beginning we lack both defense and offense skills. I like to begin with defense skills; you're more likely to put yourself out there in a new situation, if you know you can protect yourself. It sounds counter-intuitive; that you will take more risks engaging in new situations if you can say "no" in some way.
"No" can be in the form of handling questions that feel intrusive, "no" can be in the form of learning the skills to escape a situation, for example, how to politely withdraw from a conversation when you need time out. It can be in the form of saying "no" to an unwanted invitation, or turning down a request for money or time or your possessions.
It can take the form of protecting your personal space; when someone stands too close to you- the ability to create a distance that feels comfortable to you. 
Again; it is never too late to begin! You can aquire healthy life tools at any age. But you must always honor your attempts. That's where we'll start.