HOW DO I FORM A SOCIAL COMMUNITY?

When you move to a new place, end a relationship, change jobs, graduate from school, quit drinking, quit drugs, you lose those reference groups you belonged to before this change. It's an active process to acquire friends; it requires a blend of affiliative skills and competitive skills. For example, when you select a new place to go- whether it's for a cup of coffee, or exercise, or a social club, you need to know the facial muscles and body language  that give you the look of a friendly person. You're not going to war, you're exploring where to meet people. That's when you need to look affiliative- or friendly- and the body language that goes with being perceived as friendly. But you won't give the look of friendliness, if you don't have accompanying competitive skills. You have to know that you can say "no" if you need to, you need to be prepared for questions you'd rather not share information, and how to do it in a gracious way, you need to know how to do a leaving ceremony so you don't get trapped. You need to know how to initiate- and with that comes the ability to take a "no" and not equate it with rejection. It's a blend of affiliative skills, and the competitive skills which involve asserting or defense skills, and aggressing skills- which are the skills involved in initiating, or moving into new territories, or offense skills. Even the ability to identify what kind of a social situation you're in- whether it be affiliative, defense, offense  (and it can change while you're in the middle of it)- will give you a feeling of control- and that knowledge will reduce your anxiety.   
(Feel free to ask me any questions)

SOCIAL MEDIA AND THE ILLUSION OF HAVING FRIENDS

An excellent program aired on Dr. Oz in September, 2016 that explored the many contacts we have during the day with texting, Facebook, emails, etc. We feel that we are connected, but it does not correlate with reduced loneliness. That's the surprise- the constant social media interactions gives the illusion of being connected- we see the external signs- but our feeling component indicates that we are lonely.  It doesn't jive with what we perceive as having lots of friends thru social media. But trust the feeling component, and since we are social beings, loneliness impacts our health. So, when you think- I don't have the time-even a small conversation on the phone is a step to better health. I think that for people who have no friends, social media is a good first step in reaching out, connecting on common causes, expressing a like, elaboration on what someone says- these are all great first steps if you're isolated. Take it to the next step- get together at a meeting, a lunch, a cup of coffee. It's hard in the beginning, but I'll show you how to reward yourself for taking these health-giving steps.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-mehmet-oz/the-new-loneliness_b_11966516.html

SOCIAL ISOLATION AND YOUR HEALTH

 I'm thrilled to see the growing body of research linking social health with good physical health, and I will work with you on how to garner friendships. It's a process that can be learned. You don't have to be naturally social- you can acquire social skills and enjoy the process. It doesn't have to be torture!  

 http://uncnews.unc.edu/2016/01/04/social-networks-as-important-as-exercise-and-diet-across-the-span-of-our-lives/
University of North Carolina--Chapel Hill researchers show how social relationships reduce health risk in each stage of life.

"Specifically, the team found that the sheer size of a person’s social network was important for health in early and late adulthood. In adolescence, that is, social isolation increased risk of inflammation by the same amount as physical inactivity while social integration protected against abdominal obesity. In old age, social isolation was actually more harmful to health than diabetes on developing and controlling hypertension."