ANXIETY ABOUT AN EMBARRASSING QUESTION?

BLOG 3        

            How much money do you make?  How old are you?  Why are you here alone? How come you’re still single?   Why are you so tall? Short? Thin? Fat?  Why don't you have a job?

How come you have pimples? Why are you divorced? How come you’re still living at home?

            When we meet new people, we generally stay at what is called a breadth of self-disclosure rather than a depth of self-disclosure. We don’t tell people we don’t trust our deep, dark secrets.  People can ask whatever they want to- but it is your right to grant or not grant that information.  What will grant you social comfort is knowing ahead of time that a question will not force you to a level of self-disclosure that the relationship doesn’t merit.

            First, be prepared.  Have a response memorized in those areas that you feel

 vulnerable.  Memorize it and practice it, because when it occurs in real-time, your adrenaline spikes, and that impairs your memory.

            So, for example- “Why did you guys break up?”  Answer: Who understands the complexity of human relationships?,”  versus “He/she was emotionally abusive”.

“Why are you so thin?” “Well some people are inclined to put on weight, I’m just the opposite”, versus, “I have an eating disorder.”

          Homework:  Practice some responses. In the next blog you will learn about the structure of small talk so you can throw a question back and get the spotlight off yourself. This will allow you to take a deep breath, and restore your thinking.