INTROVERTS AND EXTROVERTS

4-29-2012

The new book QUIET; The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain may be a welcomed book by many of the working introverts. It honors the tendency toward solitary activity, quiet reflection and reserve, not as a  "second-class Personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology," Cain writes, as reported by Judith Warner, The New York Times Book Review, Sunday Feb.12, 2012. I'm glad that this will help some people, who perceive themselves as introverts, to honor the many qualities they bring to relationships and work. 
I don't think extrovert-ism and introvert-ism are mutually exclusive.What I hope in my work is to give people the freedom to be either.- sometimes extroverted, sometimes introverted.  Neither trait is enjoyable if you're there by default.  Although I mostly work on helping the involuntarily introverted, I have also had clients who were involuntarily extroverted.  It is rarely recognized as shyness. We usually think of shyness as an involuntary quietness. I remember students asking, "What's he doing in the class?  He talks all the time!" 

My interest is in either trait where one is there by default. I believe most people in our culture are introverts because of shyness; our culture supports my view. We are quite competitive, achievement oriented- , which doesn't encourage risk-taking by the cautious. If we perceive others as the enemy, our competitors for self- value, verbal risk-taking can become an assault to one's one's self-esteem.
I have an interest in getting the more quiet of us to speak out more!  Otherwise we have our decisions made by those who have been trained to be more aggressive - either by trait or environment. That's a poor balance of decision making in my opinion.

"Power of Shyness", Time Magazine 2/6/2012

In a front page article on shyness, author Bryan Walsh describes the difference between introverts and extroverts, and the unrecognized value of introverts in the workplace and as corporate leaders.

You may find this article gives you some valuable insight into yourself.

My assertion is that an introvert can learn to enjoy more social gatherings. There's nothing wrong with the desire for solitude, to enjoy solitary activities. But I think it's even more enjoyable when it's not a default choice. If it's so uncomfortable and punishing to be around people, and such a relief to be alone, one defaults toward solitude. Why go through all that punishment for such little reward?

Learning the skills- and I had to develop a map when I was teaching classes on shyness because I wasn't any better than anyone else- reduced anxiety and self-consciousness. As we tried the "maps", we learned there were underlying structures, so it didn't seem like everyone else knew the rules of the road except us. There were social frameworks that helped one relax and have a little fun among the human species.

That made solitude even more enjoyable because one had a choice to be alone, not an anxiety decision, because of the stress in going to social gatherings.