Thursday, April 1, 2010

I am a college student who will be attending a new course in a few weeks.

The thing is, we're gonna have this compulsory thing called "orientation week" which will consist of nightly themed dinner parties, and other socially-oriented "fun and games" sessions.

I am scared to death about this, because I simply... cannot mingle, cannot interact with others, especially in these supposedly "fun, light-hearted" situations. Past social experience has shown me to always be that quiet, lone guy who ends up observing people all mingling together, laughing, conversing, dancing, etc.

Frankly, it all seems so wondrous to me how people can "get on" so well with others.... "mingle" so smoothly.

This probably has to do with me having no social skills at all rather than "social anxiety" per se but please someone help me!


Hello- great question! Before I left the city because of a health problem I taught University courses on Shyness and Affiliation Training, so here are a few ideas I hope will be helpful.
You're not going to war. This is an event with the goal of getting acquainted. When you're frightened, the tendency is to try to look in control, a sort of business body language.But this scares others, and if they can't relax either, your ability to talk to them will be even more difficult.
You instead want to try a mnemonic device called SOFTEN.
  1. S -Smile. Practice this in front of a mirror, so you memorize the muscle position for the look of friendliness.
  2. O- Open body language. If you were a military person standing at attention you can imagine how that would not work in a situation that is focusing on helping students get acquainted. Instead, put your weight on one foot, angle yourself a bit, put one hand in a pocket, to soften your appearance.
  3. F Forward lean. Sometimes when we're anxious we pull ourselves back ward. Just lean forward a little bit.
  4. E Eye Contact. Look at them - if it's too hard to look in the eyes- just look at the eye lids- glance down once in a while at your prop. Your beverage. It gives you chance to rest your eyes. Think the thought- "this is just for practice. I'll get better as I go along.
  5. N Nod. Nodding just says I'm listening- I'm agreeable.
Be ready for those beginning questions that people always ask- your name, where you're from, what classes you're taking -in other words your relationship to this particular event. It's a great way to practice starting a conversation, "Hi- I'm John, I'm a first year student here. Almost any social function starts with your relationship to this particular setting. "Hi- I'm a friend of Mary's she and I work together." , etc. etc.

Good luck! Joan

No comments:

WHY ARE YOU SO QUIET?


Most of the time we are passive participants;
watchers and listeners of our computers, our televisions, cell-phones, movie theaters.

Then with little practice we are supposed to talk and express ourselves articulately on job interviews, meeting new people at work, starting to date, selling our business plans.

These are the most intimidating situations to begin with, when we're out of practice, or never had any in the first place and where we feel we're being scrutinized.

This is my area of expertise; I merge the structure of the speech communication with anxiety reducing methods.

I have a BA in Sociology, and taught for 10 years in a behavioral/cognitive clinic at the University of Washington, where I coached people on how to make changes in communication skills and health habits.This was a pioneering clinic and I represented the clinic through the UW Speakers Bureau on radio and television shows, and did many corporate workshops.

Public speaking totally intimidated me, and I had no experience. I had accidentally developed a career in the very field I hated; public speaking.

No matter how discouraged you are, I can help you.



Joan6466@aol.com
Tel. No. 360 697 6168
Skype: joan.walz