Monday, February 10, 2014

ANXIETY ABOUT AN EMBARRASSING QUESTION?



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            How much money do you make?  How old are you?  Why are you here alone? How come you’re still single?   Why are you so tall? Short? Thin? Fat?  Why don't you have a job?
How come you have pimples? Why are you divorced? How come you’re still living at home?

            When we meet new people, we generally stay at what is called a breadth of self-disclosure rather than a depth of self-disclosure. We don’t tell people we don’t trust our deep, dark secrets.  People can ask whatever they want to- but it is your right to grant or not grant that information.  What will grant you social comfort is knowing ahead of time that a question will not force you to a level of self-disclosure that the relationship doesn’t merit.

            First, be prepared.  Have a response memorized in those areas that you feel
 vulnerable.  Memorize it and practice it, because when it occurs in real-time, your adrenaline spikes, and that impairs your memory.

            So, for example- “Why did you guys break up?”  Answer: Who understands the complexity of human relationships?,”  versus “He/she was emotionally abusive”.
“Why are you so thin?” “Well some people are inclined to put on weight, I’m just the opposite”, versus, “I have an eating disorder.”

          Homework:  Practice some responses. In the next blog you will learn about the structure of small talk so you can throw a question back and get the spotlight off yourself. This will allow you to take a deep breath, and restore your thinking.



           


           

           



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WHY ARE YOU SO QUIET?


Most of the time we are passive participants;
watchers and listeners of our computers, our televisions, cell-phones, movie theaters.

Then with little practice we are supposed to talk and express ourselves articulately on job interviews, meeting new people at work, starting to date, selling our business plans.

These are the most intimidating situations to begin with, when we're out of practice, or never had any in the first place and where we feel we're being scrutinized.

This is my area of expertise; I merge the structure of the speech communication with anxiety reducing methods.

I have a BA in Sociology, and taught for 10 years in a behavioral/cognitive clinic at the University of Washington, where I coached people on how to make changes in communication skills and health habits.This was a pioneering clinic and I represented the clinic through the UW Speakers Bureau on radio and television shows, and did many corporate workshops.

Public speaking totally intimidated me, and I had no experience. I had accidentally developed a career in the very field I hated; public speaking.

No matter how discouraged you are, I can help you.



Joan6466@aol.com
Tel. No. 360 697 6168
Skype: joan.walz