As mentioned in my last post, irritation is the logical emotional signal that alerts you to the fact that you have some sort of conflict-either with yourself. or someone else. But as I advanced in my training, I realized that although the feeling of irritation is useful as a cue to alert you to conflict, many of us didn't recognize that signal. If you have been trained that you shouldn't get angry- that's not nice- you may experience guilt as a signal of conflict. If you are fight-phobic, you will have a signal of fear. If you have been trained to be unemotional you may recognize no signal at all.
Interestingly, NOT being assertive can lead to the most destructive behaviors of all. It is the hostile person who does destructive things- not the assertive person. So- if you've been taught that you should be nice, and nice people aren't assertive, you'll land up with repressed anger-- and that's where the most destructive behaviors happen.
It's the unassertive, hostile person who lands up seething with resentment, and those infringements pile up and can have a cumulative effect. Gossiping, wishing evil upon that person, ruminating- all are cues of unassertive behavior. Sometimes one then over-reacts. Just the smallest thing can "break the camel's back" - the last straw-and one responds way out of proportion to that single incident. And with that over-reaction then comes guilt- what is wrong with me! And, of course, the other person thinks,what an aggressive crazy person!
No comments:
Post a Comment